RT @c_kedge: My brother had 2 massive Pulmonary Embolism, years after having his back broken in 3 places at work (2 undiagnosed a decade+). I hope one day to live through this, carry on, and possibly get myself together enough to help others. I banged my forehead into a wall for a bit. Seeing in your own eyes how your father died in the middle of the night was so painful. I know he had been depressed but didnt want to get help. Maria B August 3, 2020 at 5:57 am Reply. I remember all my friends in the years to follow always saying you are so strong. I had post-traumatic stress reactions as a result of his abuse and so now I just feel free now that hes not here. I never thought this was gonna happen. i screamed his name and ran towards him . My fiance and I were sitting on the couch watching tv until he suddenly shut the tv off, cuddled me very silently for half an hour, then pulled a gun out from nowhere and shot himself while I was trying to pull it off of his head. His daughter found him. Her memorial in this Saturday and I fear I may not make it. I put my all into him, I made him promise me that no matter what happens, he wont give up on himself. There was someone going to their hospital to get his kidneys. She had been effected by anxiety and depression for three years,she had begun cutting herself then took one of her mothers pills thinking it would kill her she was 13 at that time she was sent to a mental help institution for two weeks ,started therapy and medication. She laughed a lot (was a darling little person) but cried secretly and often. Join a 12 step program. I wont cost the public any money as I have paid my funeral and have life insurance covering any costs attributed to my death, no funeral no hoorahs no coffin just cremation, and a special trip to the murray and my sons grave spreading my ashes. "I just killed my brother," a male with a shaky voice told a Portage County sheriff's dispatcher early Tuesday morning. Then I texted her number and continuously called her phone. Insomnia and the overwhelming sadness day after day, some not able to function is no quality of life. I knew the death of my father was hard on her she went thru a bad depression then she completely changed she never got drunk before but now she was drinking and smoking marijuana. I suffer from PTSD, I was having a hard time working because of it. I tried to talk with him and kept being shoved away. What takes a person to that place. At 16 i was a dependant drug addict struggling with severe anxiety, depression and ptsd, by the age of 17 i was in and out of trouble with the law and in a dangerous abusive relationship,and by the age of 18 i was a single parent. I cant have meaningful relationships, because Im afraid of losing someone again. I really do wish all of you take that same pain of losing someone and turning it into something beautiful. I began to understand that Id experienced love at first sight many years before, although I d never thought in those terms before. I was at home and was alerted by my wife and daughters screams. He said I dont want to talk about it. Don, I am so sorry for all you are coping with. Rip weary souls and much love to all my fellow survivors. What it also does is remind me of how grateful I am that I even got to know him. The loss of someone to suicide is so complicated and so misunderstood. Chris Coleman July 10, 2022 at 2:04 pm Reply. <3. I feel like I will never be able to sleep again. My life partner of 11 years shot himself in the early hours on 30 June. But at the same time I dont know how if I have myself considered in dying because life is overwhelming me. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. My heart is broken and I dont think it will ever heal! I already see myself as a failure as a brother, it doesnt matter if people try to comfort me by saying otherwise. She writes out the storm. Or its pointless, and hell be right. Each day is still such a struggle and I find myself no matter what Im doing always and constantly thinking about him. My son lost his battle with Bipolar disorder a year ago. You sound like an incredibly resilient person; that is something to be proud of. I still cant believe that he would have done that. Apparently she had called them before shed done anything and asked how long it would take them to get there of course they didnt answer that and she told them to hurry cause she had a toddler in the house and that her sister was on her way down and she didnt want me to find her. Almost exactly 1 year ago , August 2nd,2017 he committed suicide. Im now 33 but I know for sure that I will always be her little sister. I threw up on myself just after his service. Its so hard because I want to be thinking about our memories and time together and I want to be able to grieve but I feel like I cant because of the ptsd every time I think of him everything is clouded by horrible images. A month later we are still in shock. April 6, 2017 I returned home from work at 8pm to find my youngest son (20 year old) hanging on his bedroom door. I was amazed at his strength and conviction to live his life as the person he wanted. I had taken care of my little girl for 35 years with his help. I had no idea he would do this. I feel incredibly alone. Is this supposed to help us or the person that we are relating the experience to? Frankie I love you. Hes not alone, and if he were to go thru with something like this, he would deeply affect many people such as his family and friends. My only son took his life in the morning of January 1, 2013. Looking back I think I was being so cold and mean that she had no other way to fight back.She had never really hurt me bad but I guess because of my past abuse in childhood and as a young woman I was not able to deal with this. Yes, losing a loved one to suicide can be very . But then I became very mentally ill. And he loved to copy me as a child, but I never realised that hed carried on into his teenage years. Thank you for your kind words Leesa,sorry for your loss x, Christina February 12, 2019 at 10:31 pm Reply. It feels so strange not seeing him everyday, not chatting with him, no Good Morning with a smile. Although a few months ago when this happened, I started to become negative. I miss talking to him and sharing our love for 80s rock and roll. Im so sorry for your loss. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was the victim of a devastating fire. All the best to you. Before my niece died, I promised her I would take care of her mom and dad, which was very important to her. Your in-laws family cant comfort you at this point in life because they are in tremendous pain like you are provable. Even though its been just short of a year I am broken , i have good days but many dark days. Im so sorry for your loss. But I have to stay strong for my baby girl and husband! Now I cant and his widow has a newborn with another guy and I barely see my nephews bc I cant stand but feel terrible for them and Him and myself and my family. I know why my daughter ended her life. My parents caused me n my sisters a lot of pain and misguidance. I wish you well and one day happiness but like me you will never forget . 6:48 PM PT-- DaBaby just broke his silence on the passing of his brother, posting lyrics from his song "Intro" which gave fans a peek into his brother's struggles, "My brother be thinkin' that we . I know youre trying to figure it out as we both have come to this website. Set your own limits and learn to say No. Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel. My Mike suffered almost his entire life with depression and PTSD from an abusive alcoholic father. I wouldnt cause her that kind of pain. When they left I went through everything in her room. In the 80s depression was not understood like it is now. My only Son Sean died Mothers Day night or very early Monday morning. This caused a change in his claim. I both loved unconditionally, and despised and resented, this man, locked in a battle with myself over how I could love someone who treated me so badly, and how I could cut ties with someone I felt so irreversibly connected with. My mother died 5 years ago having never told me the truth. WYG provides general educational information from mental health professionals, but you should not substitute information on the Whats Your Grief website for professional advice. I begged him and told him I would be right over. I want to leave the town where we live. not at all. AshlynnStamps April 18, 2019 at 11:27 pm Reply. My poor dad found my brother at his place of work mums distraught how are they ever going to recover from this. She had fought depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts since she was young. "My younger brother snapped and killed my mother and himself. The last 7 years, these had just gotten worse! I promise it gets better. I have nil to give this world and want nothing from this world. I could not save him every day of his life, and of mine. With my personal experiences alcohol & drug addiction are being left out of the equation when discussing suicide prevention. I cant seem to understand OR believe it. Ramona, thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story/perspective. No one heard the shot. I missed my husband beyond belief. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. Like you, I see a lot of parallel between suicide and overdose death. She had me and my other 3 sisters!! I will say this, seeking out a life coach was the best thing I could have done for myself. Although I could have done more towards the end, I must forgive myself, as I did the best I could with the knowledge at hand, at that time. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, such as headaches, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping. I can still hear my mom crying at night sometimes. Thank you again for this website and this article! However as an individual if these terms dont feel right to you then by all means you should choose the language that you feel most closely matches your outlook and experience. My mother killed herself after numerous attempts 5 years ago. I honestly don't know what the right answer is, I don't even know if there is a right answer. My life was so happy and now its broken. Since its happened my family are heart broken and never been the same again. Sometimes im ok but even then there is a dark shadow glooming over me. I mean nothing I said was able to ease her pain. I lost my youngest brother in 1995 (illness), my second brother in 2013 (illness) and now this brother, my last sibling. It might be helpful to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. He had to move to Poland last year and although we werent together he would video call his son . I am lost. I have three brothers, my papa, nieces, nephews, my in laws , daddyif it was important and at 2 am I knew something was wrong. Thank you for sharing your stories. Nevertheless, I still feel dead. i never got to say goodbye. We tried every time to convince him not to ever do it. Things like You good? or Dont do anything stupid I want to be in a coma. Looking back now what I thought was him asking us to help him with her as we did always anyway wasnt him reaching out. We did go out for supper before I left and I did ask if it was ok if I go as planned, to which he nodded yes. I cant get anything done because I am in shock and the guilt of being the precipitating event that caused him to end his life. He used two handguns at the same time so I know it wasn an accident. I truly hope that you read this and it helps in some way no matter how small. Michelle, I lost my beloved daughter in July 7th 2019.
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