"If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Can I marry second wife? Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. 2014. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? She was in severe depression after this trauma. She had a male child during the interview. My husband has two wives . One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Khattak AK. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. It could have been the man's problem too. 1. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. But the . Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. Marriage Counseling vs. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. We have an ordinary life. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). His family says it was unaware of any "second. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. Published: It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." 2 Meet other future spouses. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Invest in the future today. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Istanbul, Turkey. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. They also threatened her with divorce. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). She was blended with her husband by love marriage. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Stanford University Press. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. Now the first wife has no say. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Her ex-husband died. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. Journalism strengthens democracy. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Grab Now! "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Second marriages are like that. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well.
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